Top 15 Jokes of the 2024 Edinburgh Fringe

Comedian Mark Simmons won the title of U&Dave’s Funniest Joke of the Fringe at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe with his pun, “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.”

The joke was chosen by 40% of the public from a shortlist created by judges. Simmons, a Fringe veteran, has previously placed in the top 10 of the contest multiple times and is currently performing his More Jokes show at Liquid Rooms Annexe until 24 August before continuing his UK tour.

Here are the top 15 funniest jokes from this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. – Mark Simmons

2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back. – Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. – Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. – Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes – Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? – Chelsea Birkby

8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it. – Masai Graham

9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had – Zoë Coombs Marr

10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. – Olaf Falafel

11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. – Sarah Keyworth

12. I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard – Roger Swift

13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply. – Lou Wall

14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher – Sophie Duker

15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people – Olga Koch